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What did the little boy tell the game warden?     His dad was in the kitchen poaching eggs!
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?     Poultry in motion.
What do you call it when a cat sues another cat?     A Clawsuit.
What does an envelope say when you lick it?     Nothing. It just shuts up.
How can you tell the ocean is friendly?     It waves.
What's black, white, green and bumpy?     A pickle wearing a tuxedo
When was meat so high?     When the cow jumped over the moon.
What happened to the wind?     It blew away
What starts with "T", is full of "T", and ends with "T"?     A teapot.
What is a hermit?     A girl's baseball glove.
What does a television have in common with a rabbit?     His ears!
What did the crop say to the farmer?     Why are you always picking on me?
What did the guy say when he walked into the bar?     Ouch.
How is a locksmith like a typewritter?     They both have a lot of keys!
What has four legs and goes booo?     A cow with a cold
What is a caterpillar afraid of?     A dogerpillar!
Who has the strongest underwear?     Arnold Short-sineger
Why did the elephant decide not to move?     Because he couldn't lift his trunk.
Which are the stronger days of the week?     Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Which runs faster, hot or cold?     Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
Why did the strawberry cross the road?     Because his mother was in a jam.
How do you keep a lion from charging?     Take away its credit cards.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?     Beef jerky
What is the best way to keep water from running?     Don't pay the water bill
Where do cows go to have fun?     The moo-vies!
What time was is when the elephant sat on a chair?     Time to get a new chair.
What did the flower say to the bike?     Petal
Why do we not tell secrets in a corn patch?     Too many ears!
What's yellow and writes?     A ball point banana.
Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?     No, but the ice cracked up.
What word is always spelled incorrectly?     Incorrectly.
What should you do if your dog is missing?     Check the Lost and Hound.
What have you seen that you will never see again?     Yesterday!
Why did the turkey cross the road?     To get to the chicken
Why was Cinderella Late for the ball?     She forgot to swing the bat!
How can you tell there's a hippo in your oven?     The oven door won't close.
What do you get when you cross a shark and 'Flipper'?     A fat shark.
What did the lamp say to the other lamp?     You turn me on.
What did the sidewalk do when he heard a funny joke?     He cracked up.
Why did the chicken cross the road?     He wanted to prove to the armadillo that it could be done.
Why did the dalmation need glasses?     He was seeing spots.
What did the book say to the page?     Don't turn away from me.
What do you call a pig in a butcher shop?     A pork chop.
In France, what do frogs eat?     French Flies.
What is yellow and wears a mask?     The Lone Lemon.
What do astronauts eat for dinner?     Launch meat.
Why is the little duck always so sad?     Because he always sees a bill in front of his face.
What did they digital clock say to its mom?     Look mom, no hands.
What is the best way to raise a child?     In an elevator.
What is always behind the time?     The back of the clock.
What's green and sings?     "Elvis Parsley!!"
What has 10 letters and starts with gas?     An automobile.
Why did they bury the battery?     Because it was dead.
Why did the chicken go to the library?     To check out a bawk, bawk, bawk,bawk.
If a woodchuck had a name, what would it be?     Chuck Wood.
How do you catch a squirrel?     Climb a tree and act like a nut.
What did one penny say to the other?     Let's get together and make some sense.
Why don't lobsters share?     Because they are shellfish.
Why does the man wish he could be a guitar player in a room full of beautiful girls?     Because if he was a guitar player, he would have his pick!
What is a cat's favorite color?     Purr-ple
Why did the ghost float across the road?     Because he couldn't walk.
What kind of star could hurt you?     A shooting star.