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showerThoughts.txt
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showerThoughts.txt
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If aliens come to earth, we must explain why we made so many movies fighting and killing them.
Lawyers hope you get sued, and doctors hope you get sick, cops hope you're criminal, mechanics hope you have car trouble, but only a thief wishes you prosperity.
Usually, you empty your drink from the top, but when you use a straw, you empty it from the bottom.
Deaf people don’t know why farts are funny.
The sun you see every day is the same sun anything to ever live has seen.
The first person to say the word cool must have been cool because everyone started saying it.
Actors pretend to work.
If someone asks you where the beach is, you can point in any direction and not lie. (Everywhere is surrounded by water)
People cover their laptop cameras for fear of hackers but never their phone cameras.
Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster at 70 mph, but bank cameras can't get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
The oldest sibling is the emergency designated adult.
Once we have self-driving cars, wipers will no longer be essential because the vehicle doesn't need a clean windshield to drive. Only humans do.
Your alarm sound is technically your theme song since it plays at the start of every episode.
Searching for a new laptop online forces your current computer to dig its grave.
Turtles can never have sleepovers because they always sleep at home.
Brushing our teeth is the closest we ever come to cleaning our skeleton.
Suppose your shirt isn't tucked into your pants. Then your pants are tucked into your shirt.
Nothing is on fire; fire is on things.
Firefly is the opposite of waterfall.
Honey is just bee throw up.
You've never seen your face before – only in pictures and reflections.
Fire trucks are actually water trucks!
Humans are the only species that pay to live!
If a morgue worker died, they'd still need to come to work one more time.
A different version of you exists in everyone who knows you.
If we never talked to strangers, we would never have friends.
Coffee makes you hyper, but coffee shops are intended to make you slow down and relax.
If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.
Larger people have more skin making them skinnier.
You see people every single day that you'll never see again.
Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.
If you're watching the sunrise, someone on the opposite side of the earth is watching the sunset.
Whatever happens inside our bodies happens in pitch-black darkness.
Depression is like being in an emotionally abusive relationship with your brain.
When we're young, we sneak out of our houses to parties. When we're old, we sneak out of parties to go home.
People who are allergic to dust are allergic to themselves.
Maybe dogs lick us because they know we have bones inside.
Christmas feels more like a deadline than a holiday.
We aren’t scared of the dark; we are afraid of what's at night.
Your first birthday is your second birthday.
You can’t stand backwards on stairs!
Math is the only place where someone would buy 60 watermelons and 40 cantaloupes, and no one asks any questions.
If tomatoes are fruit, then ketchup is a jam.
You've never actually seen a whole movie because you're constantly blinking.
Your life can't fall apart if it was never really together in the first place.
The blinks of your eyes get removed from your memory.
When you close both eyes, you see black, but when you complete one, you see nothing.
When you give someone food, you're feeding them. But when you provide them with water, you aren't watering them.
If life is unfair to everyone, it means life is fair.
Scientists are adult kids stuck in the "why phase".
The only part of your reflection you can lick is your tongue.
Tall people use their reach to help shorter people, but if a tall person asks a short person to hand them something they dropped on the floor, it'd be insulting.
Finally is pronounced "final-e", and finale is pronounced "fi-nally.”
Once you have a PhD, every meeting you attend becomes a doctor's appointment.
When you're alone in a room, you're the only person who can see what you can.
Even though s*icide is illegal, you can only be charged with attempted s*icide.
Teenagers drive like they're on borrowed time. Meanwhile, older adults drive like they've got all the time in the world.
People who are good-looking but have terrible personalities are real-life click baits.
Your lips move in those directions when you say 'Forward' or 'Back'.
Clapping is just hitting yourself repeatedly because you like something.
Someone who says "I'll be there in 6 minutes" will generally arrive before someone who says "I will be there in 5 minutes".
If everyone blinked in sync, nobody would know that other people blinked.
Only one sock goes missing because you wouldn't notice if both did.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can't cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
If heaven exists, it's probably going back and doing your life over, but fixing all your mistakes.
People should celebrate 29th February instead of 31st December because it only happens once every year.
It is impossible to touch a reflection that is not your own.
Pets don't understand that we make mistakes. If we trip over them or accidentally step on them, they think we did it for a reason.
The youngest picture of you is also the oldest picture of you.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
Most people aren't scared of being alone in the dark—they're afraid of not being alone at night.
We know more about space than what's deep in the ocean.
History classes will only get longer and harder as time goes on.
Being scared to check your bank account is the adult version of being scared to check your grades.
The only difference between being murdered and assassinated is your importance in the public eye.
Nightmares are probably stories our brain makes up, and it is funny that we get scared of them.
We're lucky blinking doesn't make a noise.
When you drink alcohol, the alcohol is getting drunk too.
Your stomach thinks that all potatoes are mashed.
Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of voice cracking in a verbal argument.
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?
If a liar tells you they are lying, are they lying or telling the truth?
Is it possible to know everything, or is something always left unknown?
Who came up with the expression “ it’s raining cats and dogs”? How is it relevant to the weather?
When we yawn, do deaf people think we’re screaming?
If ghosts can't be seen, how do we know what they look like?
Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and back on again?
Are oranges named oranges because oranges are oranges, or is an orange called orange because oranges are oranges?
If you weigh 99 lbs and eat a pound of nachos, are you 1% nacho?
Do clothes in China just say, “Made down the road?”
How do our brains remember that we forgot something but can't remember what that thing was?
What was the first guy to milk a cow trying to do?
If a fly loses its wings, is it now called a walk?
Are our thoughts and actions predetermined, or do we have free will?
If there was an earthquake on another planet, is it still an *earth*quake?
Why do we say, "I slept like a baby", when babies wake up every two hours?
What if oxygen is poisonous and takes 75-100 years to kill us?
How do we know what the actual time is? Who set the first clock?
How does your towel get dirty if you get out of the shower clean?
What if you were in the shower while your house was on fire? Would you live?
If air and water are clear, why can we see water and not air?
If you are waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter?
Who taught the first teacher?
If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If time is an illusion, what does that mean for the concept of cause and effect?
UPS will leave a $900 video card on my porch without even knocking but I have to sign for a $10 pizza.
A successful marriage ends with watching the other person die.
Why do we say "heads up" when we really mean "heads down"?
Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
Why do we call it a "building" if it's already built?
Why do we call it "taking a dump" when we're actually leaving one?
When you drink alcohol, you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Whenever you dig up dirt or a rock, that could be the first time it has seen the sun in millions of years.
Taking a vaccine is like installing a security patch for you body!
The richest person on Earth is technically also the richest person in the universe, since our definition of rich is owning a lot of Earth money, and there's no way for extraterrestrial life to obtain it.
My dog understands several human words. I don't understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.
Someone out there vividly remembers something you said that you have completely forgotten.
On any given day in a hospital, you can find people having the best day of their life, the worst day of their life, the first day of their life, and the last day of their life—all under one roof.
You may have once made a decision that saved your life without knowing it.